https://youtu.be/ZA-0Fweuu0g?si=obIH1eNce134E94r
“Ni, pop! How are you? I've got some fruits for you.”
“Who are you? Get out of here! I'm waiting for my son.”
“Dad, calm down, that's me, Tom.”
His gaze indicated frustration that someone had invaded his personal space. But when he realised that it was me, his eyebrows took on a calm position and the wrinkles disappeared from his forehead.�
“I'm sorry, dear. I guess these pills are wearing off or these nurses sometimes just give me a placebo and hope that my brain can believe that everything is fine on its own.”
The small room in the nursing home consisted of a bed, a small fridge, a table and a door leading to the bathroom. One wide window was locked to prevent seriously ill patients from committing suicide. I returned to my father, who was sitting on the bed. His grey hair had fallen out and was only a little on the sides, and he was wearing white pyjamas. His bleak eyes looked grey. He looked at me knowingly, because he knew who I was. When he forgot me, he became angry and closed off. His eyes go out of focus, like they did a few minutes ago.�
“How are you even here? Have you written something in your diary?”, I picked up a black notebook with milky empty pages. Not a word, not a sentence.
“I'm sorry, I would like to forget some things, especially since I have the opportunity now.”
All I could do was shake my head and huff at his answer.
"Son, as long as I remember everything, I would like to talk to you..."
I immediately realized what the conversation was going to be about, so I wanted to cut it off immediately. I felt fear and anxiety unfolding in me with every word my father said, I didn't want to remember what happened again.
"I'm sorry, but no, I can't talk about it. I've come to drop off the pills and I have to go. I'll come back tomorrow, Dad. Take care!"
Every time I leave my father's house I listen to “Mr. Forgettable”, I think it helps me to calm down and understand my father. Sometimes it's hard when he starts forgetting everything, but I understand that it's not his fault that he became Mr Forgettable. However, when he starts to remember, it doesn't get any better either. Every time he wants to talk about what happened in our family before his mother died, before he started losing his memory, it's not something I want to discuss. I quietly sing along to the song and bob my head in time to the calm melody, which feels as hazy as Taka's gaze when he doesn't remember me.
When I got home, I sat down to work and fell asleep at my laptop in my grey apartment, which looks quite minimalist, almost like my dad's room, except there is a kitchen and additional things like a TV. I woke up and expected it to be a normal morning, until I opened my phone.�
"Mr Paul, we tried to call you, but you didn't pick up. We're sorry to inform you that your dad passed away last night. Please accept our condolences. His body has already been taken to the hospital for examination and paperwork. "
When I got there, my dad was already gone, all I found was a notebook with this in it:
“Hello, son! While I still remember everything, I want to write you a few words. If you're reading this, the nurses have probably already called you and my body is being registered. When oblivion came over me, I felt that I was going to die soon and I was afraid that my life was wasted, and the realisation of this came only now, when I made a lot of mistakes and I can't correct them anymore. However, I want to try to fix one. You are probably the best decision that happened in my life, among many other children whose faces and names I no longer remember, from other women whom I have also completely forgotten. Your mum was a wonderful woman, she raised you, while I only broke. Forgive me, you may be thinking that I am asking for forgiveness for myself so that I can die in peace, but when I come back to my memory I start to remember everything I have done, I remember you and I cannot believe how I could have caused so much pain to such a little boy. I lost the moment when it became normal, when I stopped loving your mum and you. But I am really sorry.
I want you to let it go. It sounds weird, but when I forget who you are, I start to feel your pain as soon as you walk into the room to see me. I look at a grown man who still has a heavy burden of memories of the past on his back, and I feel pain and sadness in his eyes. Let it go and let yourself live remembering only what happened yesterday. Sometimes forgetting something is good for you."
I put the notebook down and left, I didn't feel sad, I didn't want to cry, I didn't hear what the nurse was telling me, I just reflexively signed some papers.�
When I got on the bus, I put on my headphones and...
Hello, hello, are you lonely?
I'm sorry, it's just the chemicals
Hello, hello, do you know me?
They call me Mr. Forgettable
